1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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