just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
