I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
