Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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