just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
