For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
