youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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