you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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