I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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