he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
