Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
