If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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