I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
