So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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