yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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