I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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