It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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