I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
