I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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