Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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