Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
