Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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