operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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