New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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