I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
