You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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