Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
