Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
