Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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