I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
