She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
