he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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