I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
