the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think people are normalizing furries
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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