We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he fucked my hip out of place.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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