when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Rumble strips road head = magical
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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