he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
