Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You need Xanax blowdarts
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
