Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
