She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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