I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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