It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
