Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
