i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
