I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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