White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
