Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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