Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
