no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
