I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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