Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
