i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
