cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
