You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
