Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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