woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
