So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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