Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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