shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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