I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
