Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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