my soul wont recognize me after tonight
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
